If I could go back in time...

If I could go back in time, I'd hug myself and have as many pep talks that are needed until I made myself realize that I'm good enough. I wish I could warn myself of some of the events that would lead to the many tears I would shed. I suffered from mental illness but I didn't understand what I was going through. Eating, writing and listening to music was how I coped with my symptoms. I seriously wore out Brian McKnight’s self-titled Album cassette tape. There was a huge part of me that felt I was cursed. It just seemed like nothing ever really went right for me. I had more bad days than good.

I not to long ago realized something. Depression never really goes away. To a certain extent, you can control how long you're going through a depressive episode if you've figured out where the depression stems from. Over the last few years, I've prided myself on being depression free. Well, that was the case until I had to finally get over the most recent traumatic experience I've ever had. When you don't deal with certain issues head-on, it will come back with full force until you do. I was holding in a lot of anger. Thank god that is past me now.

I do believe that time travel is real, however, I'm sure it's not as over-dramatized as Hollywood makes it out to be. Plus I believe a human being has to be in a true awakened consciousness to experience such a feat. I don't believe we'd have the power to change events that have happened, rather it'd be a tool to simply learn from the past.

My life at the moment is not how I envisioned it would be, however, I can honestly say I'm happy. I started a self-love journey to include loving the skin I'm in, disassociating with toxic family and associates, putting myself out there to make new friends and learning to release control of situations/things that I don't have any control over. It's cliche' to say but going through everything I've been through has made me stronger and a better version of myself.

I recently turned thirty-two years old. Getting older makes you ponder about the past sometimes. You realize with each day that passes, time is a precious commodity. My accomplishments aren't as grand compared to some at this age. I'm proud of myself though. I'm still here to live another day and serve my soul purpose. No, I don't have it all figured out. If anything I'm just now LIVING. I can't go back and change the past. Cheers to living my best life!!!! It gets better with time.......