Monogamy... Still a thing or naw?

Monogamy is a form of relationship in which an individual has only one partner during their lifetime — alternately, only one partner at any one time (serial monogamy) (en.wikipedia.org)

I’m at a kiosk answering a questioner for plasma donation. Two men were sitting in the waiting area talking. One guy says “ yo I be in my bm guts. I love her but I be wanting some new pussy. I get tired of having the same pussy all the time”

This was straight barbershop talk spewed out in the open. I was completely appalled. It was a reminder of why it’s so hard to date nowadays. Men will be online and/or in person telling you they’re single with no kid(s) or other situation then go live their other life like it’s nothing. It’d be so much easier if we all had a portable lie detector to carry around but unfortunately word is bond until otherwise proven false. It’s more common for men to display this behavior however women get down and dirty also. I for one feel bad when good men give their all to women of this nature to later find out they’ve been used as a “side piece” for emotional, physical and or material gain.

I remember reading something Amber Rose said: “I feel like every man cheats. I do feel like if he loves you enough, you will never, ever find out.”

At one point in time being someone's side chick/man on the side was supposed to be on the DL. Xscape sang it best in their chart-topping hit “My Little Secret”. Nowadays this new generation has decided to rock this title like a badge of honor. Now the “secret” is out. Everyone is loud, proud and boastful. There is no shame to the game. Celebrities have it worse. Details of their private life are up for public scrutiny every day. Blogs pay to have the inside scoop so the side chicks stay in the dm's hoping for their chance to shine. It’s rather sad but I guess a hustle is a hustle.

You’d think people would avoid getting themselves caught up however it’s easy to judge from the outside looking in. I’ve personally been cheated on and I’ve cheated. It only took one time for me. I was a lot younger when this happened though. The relationship I was in prior still had unresolved issues and feelings that never got voiced. Didn’t help matters that we all had the same group of friends. After it happened, I had immediate regret especially because it turned to physical cheating. The next day I broke up with my boyfriend. I couldn’t be with him knowing that I betrayed him like that. My conscience wouldn’t let me live that down for a while. The crazy thing is my ex cheated on me so many times in our relationship. I felt stupid doing that to someone knowing how it feels. The relationship was new so there weren't any deep feelings. I could tell it hurt him when I admitted to what happened. From that day forward I vowed never to cheat again.

The older generation is pretty much looking down on us in dismay. There are marriages lasting for 50+ years and stronger than ever. There is a BUT to this though. Some of your grandparents have survived a lot in their heyday.... including a cheating spouse. Some of them are going to the grave with these secrets because someone needs to protect the family legacy. You're not supposed to know that your grandma and/or grandpa wasn’t faithful. Divorce wasn’t an option for a lot of them so they had no choice but to stick it out thick and thin till the end.

Here’s an interesting viewpoint about monogamy from an article published on livescience.com

Some scientists view both social and sexual monogamy in humans as a societal structure rather than a natural state. "I don't think we are a monogamous animal," said Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle. "A really monogamous animal is a goose – which never mates again even if its mate is killed." She added, "Monogamy is invented for order and investment – but not necessarily because it's 'natural.'"

In retrospect, you can vow to stay committed to one and only one however you never "own" anyone. We are all borrowed and eventually replaced. We all have choices to make on a daily basis. If being in a monogamous relationship is what you choose, married or not, respect it and all of its boundaries. If you make the choice to cheat then you must be wary of the consequences that follow the decision. Cheating doesn't have to be just physical. Emotional affairs can be just as bad. As they say, you've made your bed now you must lay in it.