Why I love being Celibate

Celibate: a person who abstains from sexual relations (Dictionary.com)

I remember when I lost my virginity. The act itself happened in a few minutes. It resulted in me almost screaming in pain because my lovely boyfriend couldn't contain his excitement. I was sitting on top of him, and bam, he pushed my hips down. I got over the shock, sight of blood, and wobbling of my bow legs. HE created a monster. After I got used to the feeling, I craved it all the time and ANYWHERE. Behind the bushes, the park, the waterfront, in the car, the laundry room in my momma's house, etc. It was on. I went from the prude girl who hated the sight of a naked body to an all-out freak. Being only 15 at the time, I felt like a woman. Surprisingly it took me some years to discover what a real orgasm feels like. Sex felt right to me, but the act always felt like the pleasure was meant more for the man.

Eventually, I got a man who taught me the art of pleasing myself and understanding my body more. I was open then. Being young and sexually active comes with downfalls. When you THINK you're grown, you do dumb shit like trusting a man you like or fall in love with to go in you without condoms. Lawd sex without the condom is the best sensation on the planet. Y'all know! Raw sex, sweet nothings in your ear, and that backstroke is killer. When you're insecure, you'll fall for anything. Now don't get it twisted. I wasn't out here wiling out so bad that I was sleeping with every tom, dick and harry that winked at me. I was somewhat selective.

My momma was always in my ear, telling me that I needed to make a man earn the pussy. Every time she said that I half-listened. You forget that your parent was once your age and did it all before. I felt I had some control, although I never did. I responded to the booty calls in the wee hours because I convinced myself that this is what grown folks do. I never took into account that this man just thought about getting his dick wet and never cared for me as I cared for him. I confused lust with love or something close to it. I always trusted words in hopes that actions would eventually follow. One night my mom called me a puppet, and I caught an attitude. She was right.

It wasn't until I decided to stop being a victim of my insecurities that I saw the light. I realized that I didn't need to have sex to experience a bond with someone. I also got deeper into my spirituality (I do not identify with a religion). I'm an empath. I've always been sensitive to the energies of others that I encounter. Your moods can change in an instant, depending on that person's energy and aura. I was already struggling with depression, so imagine the struggle. I learned to be aware of those feelings so I can cleanse myself after being no longer around that person or people. So what does this have to do with sex? Here's an excerpt from a bomb article which I suggest reading if you're interested

http://themindunleashed.com/2013/06/sex-and-aural-energy.html

"Pay attention to whom you share your intimate energy with. Intimacy at this level intertwines your aural energy with the aural energy of the other person. These powerful connections, regardless of how insignificant you think they are, leave spiritual debris, particularly within people who do not practice any type of cleansing, physical, emotional or otherwise. The more you interact intimately with someone, the deeper the connection and the more of their aura is intertwined with yours. Imagine the confused aura of someone who sleeps with multiple people and carries around these multiple energies? What they may not realize is that others can feel that energy which can repel positive energy and attract negative energy into your life."

"I always say, never sleep with someone you wouldn't want to be" – Lisa Chase Patterson

This coming March I will be celibate for a year. It's been a crazy year, but I've managed to rise above the set of life challenges that came my way. This year my creativity has been on an ultimate high. Ideas have been flowing like crazy. I made a conscious decision to reserve my sexual energy and use it differently. I get to be selfish. I only have to care about my feelings. That feels good as hell. I used to be a sounding board to my companions when they needed someone to talk to. I tried to heal them. I saw the good in that man. In the end, I always got hurt because I gave, and they just took with no remorse.

Now that I'm older, I don't believe in casual sex to get my rocks off anymore. I'm all about getting myself together, so when I do finally encounter the man meant for me, I'll have something to bring to the table. Being celibate has allowed me to get to know who Toya is. If you've never been celibate before, I challenge you to try it if you're single. Yea, you'll get horny since your body has been conditioned to releasing that pent-up energy. Get to masturbating, buddy! Focus on those goals you've wanted to achieve. Now realistically, this may not work for everyone. It came naturally to me because I don't want to have sex. I'm living my best life doing me. While I don't believe I'll be virgin mary for the rest of my life, I'm in no rush to engage in sexual activity. When I finally do have sex, Well…. Let's say a prayer for that man in advance LMAO

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